Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance
by Slrmn82
Summary: After a tramuatic event, can Hawk help Spenser pick his life up again? HawkSpenser SLASH.
1. Default Chapter

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Author's Notes: If you came here for a straight romance between the two main male characters you should turn back now. The relationship will be slowly evolving and I expect it to stay fairly platonic for the first five or so chapters. Either way please be kind as my characterizations will be off somewhat, as this is my first fic in this fandom. Any recommendations will be greatly appreciated.  
  
Setting the Scene  
  
It was a sweltering summer day in Boston even with the windows opened and the air conditioning on high. Having lived in this area for years I am used to the changing weather, but I still can't function well in the unseasonably hot summertime.   
  
I was driving down route 2 towards Susan's house with the radio playing softly for ambiance. As I stopped at the red light I noticed a bunch of young kids in a black convertible next to me. Their stereo was blaring and the engine was obviously supped up. I couldn't contain a sigh as I watched them speed off as soon as the light changed. Was I ever that young? Not likely.   
  
Now a days my life is comprised of my detective work, which I must admit brings its fair share of excitement, and the love of my life Susan Silverman. I have been involved with her off and on for years, and she is one of the few who accept my profession with pragmatism, although she often does not approve of my methods.   
  
As I opened the door to her apartment I noticed an overturned lamp immediately. I took out my gun, already loaded with ammo, that I keep strapped to my hip at all times. With my gun out in front I proceeded to search Susan's flat, finding more disarray but no Susan. I did find an envelope on her kitchen table addressed to me however, when I swept that room. I disregarded it for the moment as I moved silently about her wrecked apartment. The furniture was cut up and the television and stereo was smashed to pieces. Obviously not a robber.   
  
After checking the whole house I carefully picked up the envelope with a knife from the cabinet and opened it as carefully as possible. My hands were shaking badly so it took a few long moments for me to flatten the letter so that I could read it. I placed my gun next to the letter and began to read.  
  
'Spenser. It has come to our attention that you have been investigating the Gioletti Family Import Business. You will cease and desist immediately or we will begin sending your bitch back to you in pieces.'  
  
Inside the letter were two Polaroid photographs of Susan lying on the ground in the living room, seemingly knocked unconscious. The second one showed a knife being held at her defenseless throat by someone wearing a pair of leather gloves. I glared at the photos as if they could solve the question of who was holding Susan captive.  
  
The Gioletti family was Boston's equivalent of the Italian mafia. Unfortunately I had just gotten close to finding evidence of money laundering from their import company. Having already given my evidence to Lieutenant Martin Quirk. The PD were planning on arresting both father and son as soon as the witness, my client was placed in protective custody after speaking to the police. I had served as intermediary for them and the meeting was set up for this afternoon. Since the Gioletti's were obviously behind the kidnapping I needed to find out all the possible locations where they may have hired the kidnappers to take Susan until things blew over. I picked up the letter once again, this time using a pair of plastic gloves and packaged them carefully. My plan was to bring the evidence to Quirk, and from there figure out Susan's location. I had no plans on letting her stay with those thugs for longer then necessary, but if I was going to take on the whole Gioletti family then I would need more firepower and backup. I would need Hawk. 


	2. Police Involvement

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 2/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Author's Notes: If you came here for a straight romance between the two main male characters you should turn back now. The relationship will be slowly evolving and I expect it to stay fairly platonic for the first five or so chapters. Either way please be kind as my characterizations will be off somewhat, as this is my first fic in this fandom. Any recommendations will be greatly appreciated.  
  
Police Involvement  
  
I went down to Homicide to speak to Quirk first thing after I left Susan's apartment. He wasn't exactly thrilled about giving me their surveillance photos and information, but once I told him why I needed it he left his office and came back quietly holding a large manila folder. He placed in on his desk and sat back in his chair, giving me his version of the cop 'dead- stare' that we all perfect in order to intimidate criminals. Most flail before it, I on the other hand only looked back innocently.  
  
"I know you're fascinated with my blue-eyed stare, but could we perhaps move this along?" I asked him sarcastically. He was used to my own brand of wit and ignored me like everyone else.  
  
"We've been building this case for over a year." He told me quietly. "Not only will this bust up a large Laundering ring, but it would also be directly responsible for putting away one of the largest crime families on the east coast."  
  
"Un huh."  
  
"If I find out you have used unnecessary force in rescuing Ms. Silverman I will be most displeased."  
  
"I wouldn't do that." I answered with a straight face, ignoring Quirk's raised eyebrow. "I never use unnecessary force. It is all together necessary."  
  
"I have made my position clear, Spenser."  
  
"Un huh."  
  
"Good." Quirk told me, holding the folder across the desk. Just as I was about to take it he moved backwards slightly. "I assume Hawk will accompany you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Need any backup?"  
  
"It would be better if the police weren't involved in this operation."  
  
"I was afraid you'd say that." He grumbled, rubbing his forehead. "Go on then."  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
I left his office with the folder underneath my arm. Me next stop was Henry's health club. As I entered the back room, I saw Hawk using the free weights, sweat rolling off him and down his bare chest. His muscles contracted under the weight and he continued his sets as I walked over toward him. Henry was in the outer gym helping a young woman load weights onto the leg press.  
  
"Ever heard of the Gioletti's?" I asked as I sat next to him and began lifting a hundred pound weights.  
  
"Un huh."  
  
"They took Susan." I told him, getting right to the point.   
  
"When ya goin' for them?" Hawk asked expressionlessly.   
  
"Tonight. Ya coming?"  
  
"Sho' thing, babe."  
  
I nodded thank you and then put all of my attention to weight lifting. I kept at it until my arms were shaking and sweat was running into my eyes. Before I could do another set to get my mind off of Susan, Hawk took the weights off of me with a shake of his head, roughly translated to 'dumbass honky.' Of course he meant it with much love so I let it slide. 


	3. Due Force

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 3/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Due Force  
  
After going through the confidential police reports it wasn't difficult to read through the Gioletti holdings and figure out where they would be most likely to hold Susan. They owned quite a few properties in Boston, mostly restaurants that served as fronts for their various illegal businesses. They would most likely expect me to bust up the ones nearby, since those are the ones I would be most aware of. Fortunately for me I had narrowed the search down to two locations west of Boston, towards the middle of the state. I had called Vinnie Morris, a shooter of my acquaintance and asked him to watch the fishing company while Hawk and I were searching the farmhouse in Easton. Although I was almost certain that was where Susan was being held, we did not have the time to explore the perimeter and check for guards. I figured there would be at least five or six, maybe more.   
  
Hawk and I drove up the back road near the farm in one of Hawk's borrowed cars. This time it was a black corvette with the top down.  
  
"Not exactly inconspicuous."  
  
"Next time we can take your car. It get shot up it be an improvement, bawse."  
  
I glared at his profile as he looked across the road. The lights were on in the upper level of the farm, and there was only one guard posted sentry. We sat and watched the house as the sun lowered to the horizon.   
  
"It's a classic." I grumbled as I watched for shadows and silhouettes visible from the windows.  
  
"Un huh."   
  
"I count seven possible, you?"  
  
"Eight."  
  
"Well damn." I murmured under my breath. Not all together surprised, but still discouraged. I had faith in mine and Hawk's ability to take them out, but with Susan somewhere in the mix I was worried.  
  
"Suze is tough. She be fine." Hawk spoke quietly, glancing in my direction for a moment. "It's me I be worried about. You get shot up Susan will kill me."  
  
"You know you'll miss me."  
  
"Un huh."  
  
"Where else can you find such excitement?"  
  
"Morris."  
  
"But he isn't as funny as me."  
  
"You just think you are, babe."  
  
"That hurts. Really."  
  
"Let's go." Hawk spoke ignoring me as I held my chest as I convulsed in the front seat mumbling under his breath as he stepped from the car. "'ts what I get for hanging with a honky. All god damned comedians."  
  
I held my .357 in a one handed grip at my side as I walked beside Hawk, twisting a silencer on the end. Hawk moved silently around the other side of the farm and through a side entrance. I walked quietly my breath hammering in my chest as I tried to keep the fear from immobilizing me. I still looked rumpled from earlier even though I had showered after I left the health club, but at that particular moment I could hardly give a damn. As the tall Italian paced in front of the front door I settled down onto a knee and aimed with both arms steady. I pulled the trigger and the first guard fell away. Without stopping I made my way through the front door at a good clip, my gun out in front of me.   
  
Even with the silencer on my gun a slight noise was heard inside the house, as evident by the two hulking men steamrolling down the stairs. I quickly jumped into the corner behind the sofa and waited for them to pass me. Normally I wouldn't shoot someone I wasn't facing head on, but in this case I made an exception since Susan's life was on the line. They took two steps toward the front porch and I squeezed the trigger thrice consecutively. The first I shot in the leg and he dropped heavily on the floor. The second I hit in the shoulder, then again in the chest as he turned further around to shoot me. As I walked forward I kept my gun aimed at the first man, who was trying to both stop the flow of blood from his leg and get a better hold of his gun so that it would be of use in his shaking hands.  
  
"You shot me man." He all but whined, pointing the .44 in my general direction.  
  
"Un huh." I answered impassively. "And I'll finish the job if you don't drop your weapon." 


	4. Finding Susan

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 4/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Finding Susan  
  
"Don't shoot, man." He told me shakily as he lost more blood. By this time he looked a bit faint as he watched me. "I already got one damned bullet in my leg. I'm bleeding here."  
  
"That was the point." I told him keeping my face impassive, while I was inwardly itching to tie the wound off so he wouldn't bleed to death. I held my ground and kept my gun pointed at his chest. "Place the gun on the ground in front of you."  
  
"Come on man." The thug whined in a surprisingly shrill voice. "Boss never said nothing' bout getting shot."  
  
"Now!" I ordered menacingly in my best Hawk impression, watching as the heavy quickly followed my direction.  
  
"Knew you had it in you somewhere, bawse." A voice called from the second-floor landing. I turned around quickly, as I knocked pea-brain's gun away in one movement. As Hawk walked out of the shadows I had my gun trained on him. "You point that thing at the otha' guys."  
  
"Thanks for the tip." I grumbled, turning around to see the man I shot, making his way haphazardly toward the door. "An ah, just where do you think you're going?"  
  
"Ya want me to shoot him?" Hawk offered from his perch above us, causing the thug to whimper pathetically.  
  
I walked closer and one-handedly took off my belt, throwing it at the Italian.  
  
"Wrap that around the wound tightly." He did as I told him while I was getting his .44 from off the ground. "Then put these on."  
  
He put the handcuffs on himself and I walked cautiously over to check that they were indeed secure. They were.  
  
"What a way to disillusion a brother." Hawk commented looking disappointed that I didn't shoot him. "And you were doing so well."  
  
I watched as he shook his black noggin at me before heading up the hallway silently as I got to the top of the stairs.  
  
"While you busy having a con-vo-sation with the man I found Suze."  
  
"She alright?" I asked in a whispered voice, not trying to keep the emotion from my voice.  
  
"Un huh."  
  
"Thank god." I murmured.  
  
"God ain't got nothing to do wit it. You can thank Hawk tho'. She be fine, but we should hurry. I only took out four."  
  
"Damn."  
  
"Un huh."  
  
"Let's get Suze and get the hell out of here."  
  
"I'll be right behind ya. She's in the second room off the hallway. Right hand side."  
  
Without waiting for me to answer Hawk disappeared the same way he appeared, from the shadows.  
  
"Creepy." I shook my head and quickly made my way to the designated room, confident that Hawk would watch my six.  
  
I opened the door quietly to find Suze bundled up in a quilt, obviously Hawk's work when he found her before taking out the other men first. I looked at her, as she lay unconscious on the bed, her face pale and somewhat fragile. We were alone in the room and I quickly moved to her and crouched down at Suze's side. I ran my hand gently through her hair causing her to moan softly in her sleep. At first I thought it was my animal magnetism that was effecting her even in sleep, but then I noticed a large bump on her head that was bleeding steadily, although a bit sluggishly. I hastened to lift her up into my arms and walked out the door with my precious bundle cradled protectively while I held my gun as best I could in my right hand, away from us pointed at the floor.  
  
"Damn, what the hell did they do to you?" I asked softly, receiving no answer in response as I silently made my way out of the house. I looked back once when I heard a gunshot from behind me, but there was no sign of further pursuit so I walked quickly to the Corvette and started the engine to await Hawk's return. I placed Susan carefully in the backseat and took out my .357 as I aimed at the house. I didn't have to wait long as I saw a shadow move. I snapped my weapon around and tightened my finger over the trigger, preparing to shoot, when I noticed the moonlight shine off of Hawk's shiny head.  
  
"About time." I told him calmly as I put my gun away and opened the door. I barely waited to get him buckled in before I pealed it out of there.  
  
"Hospital?" Hawk asked calmly, as he noticed me looking into the rearview mirror worriedly for the fifth time in as many minutes.  
  
"Un huh."  
  
"She'll be fine." He spoke from the darkness after a few moments of tense silence. He raised his hand as if to touch me but then rubbed his head instead. I looked at him intensely for a long minute, but as usual he ignored the attention. We drove the rest of the way in silence. 


	5. Recovery

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 5/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Recovering  
  
We entered Beth Israel Hospital forty-five minutes later and Hawk and I waited as they got Susan situated and checked her over. She was finally placed in a room over three hours later, in which time I was practically crawling the walls with worry. It was only Hawk's presence that kept me halfway descent to the staff in the waiting area. I was pacing when the doctor came out to see us.  
  
"Spencer?" He asked impassively.  
  
"Doc, will she be okay?" I asked sharply, looking a little intimidating I would assume because the doc backed away from me slightly. Hawk placed a calming hand on my neck and pulled me back towards him.  
  
"Be cool, Spen-ser."  
  
"Sorry." I told him, although I wasn't feeling particularly apologetically. "Is she going to be alright?"  
  
"Yes. She will make a full recovery; although it is good you got her to us when you did. She was beaten badly and a rib had punctured her left lung. We repaired the damage and wrapped the injured area. Her breathing will be constricted for a few weeks but I expect no complications in that regard. She was hit about the head however, and the damage there is more severe. She had a concussion and a small bit of swelling on her brain tissue. We will want to keep her here until it goes down for observation, just to be on the safe side."  
  
"Can I see her?"  
  
"Well she is in ICU now, so once she is situated you will be able to visit for a few minutes, but no more than that."  
  
"Thank you, Doctor."  
  
"You are welcome. If you will excuse me."  
  
As soon as the doctor left I fell into the nearest chair and put my head in my shaking hands.  
  
"Damn Gioletti straight to hell." I cursed softly.  
  
"Can be 'ranged, but you worry 'bout Suze right now, bawse." Hawk spoke in his customarily impassive voice, sitting down next to me with a slight squeak.  
  
"I know just… brain swelling, jesus." I exclaimed worriedly. "They will pay for this."  
  
"For sure."  
  
We sat in companionable silence until I could visit Susan. I sat by her bedside quietly, watching the machines and tubes surrounding her pale body as she lay there. I held her right hand gently in my own, being careful not to disrupt the IV drip. Just as the nurse came in to shoo me out of the room, Susan's eyes fluttered opened momentarily.  
  
"Spenser?" She asked softly as I squeezed her hand supportively.  
  
"I'm here Suze, I'm here. You're okay now. You're in the hospital."  
  
She tried to speak again and then move her hand as I bent over her face.  
  
"What's the matter, babe? I don't understand you."  
  
She pulled her handout from under my own and whispered hoarsely in my ear.  
  
"I can't do this anymore."  
  
"Can't do what, honey?" I asked in concern. "Maybe you should save your strength right now. You're still pretty beat up."   
  
"This." She answered determinedly, although heavily drugged up on morphine. She waved her hand slightly between us and her eyes began to tear. "Us."  
  
I held my breath as I felt my heart constricting painfully in my chest, hoping against hope she didn't mean what I thought she meant, but her remaining strength seemed to leave her and she fell back asleep.  
  
"I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to leave now and let the patient rest. You can return tomorrow during regular visiting hours." The nurse interrupted my despondent staring at Susan.  
  
I left the room in a daze and stumbled back to the waiting room where Hawk was sitting. He took one look at my face and ushered me from the hospital, ignoring my protests. I told him what happened quietly in stumbling sentences. He stayed quiet through my recitation of events and only spoke once we entered my darkened apartment. As I sat heavily on my sofa, barely keeping my eyes opened, Hawk moved away from my line of sight as I closed my tired eyes. I felt a soft blanket being laid over me, and a brief kiss to my temple, as I drifted off hearing a deep voice that would follow me in my dreams.  
  
"Things will look better tomorrow, Spen-ser." 


	6. Domesticity

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 6/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Domesticity  
  
I woke early the next morning after tossing and turning much of the night, to find Hawk laid out in a recliner next to me. I assumed he would have left soon after he got me home, but was pleasantly surprised by his presence.   
  
Although I would never admit it to him or anyone else, I always felt a bit more secure when Hawk was around. On a case if I knew Hawk was watching my back I generally came out of it in one piece, and on the odd occasion where I got my ass handed to me, Hawk was just as black and blue as I was. We were very similar in that respect. Neither one of us backed down from anything, although Hawk was admittedly more ruthless then I was.   
  
I watched Hawk from where I was laying on the couch, for once not looking like the human weapon he actually is. During sleep a few of the walls around him drop off and he seems a bit more innocent. Not much mind you, this is Hawk we're talking about here, but just enough to make him seem a little vulnerable.   
  
Seeing him that way, my cursed protective instincts were roused in a way that was unexpected. I know myself well, both my strengths and weaknesses. My tendency to help everyone who needs it, is a little of both, but I never thought I would be stupid enough to put Hawk in my 'protect at all costs' category. It made me nervous. The only other person included was Susan.   
  
"I know I'm pretty, Spen-ser. Didn't t'ink you noticed tho'."  
  
I jumped feeling guilty as I noticed Hawk's eyes opened to slits and the lazy smile on his face.   
  
"Don't know how to tell you this, but everyone notices your pretty." I smirked trying to regain my composure. Hawk stared at me for a few moments, seemingly trying to read my very soul then his face shuttered slightly and he stood up yawning. He shook his head at me once before strolling to the bathroom, scratching his chest as he moved. My eyes followed the movement unconsciously.  
  
By the time he had a shower I had already gotten a pot of coffee brewing and two mugs waiting on the counter. I poured a cup of black coffee for Hawk and turned around almost knocking into him, since he moved quietly into the room when I wasn't looking. He was only wearing a towel haphazardly around his narrow hips. I raised an eyebrow at his attire while handing him the mug.  
  
"Comfortable?"  
  
"Well I wasn't 'bout to wear your clothes, bawse."  
  
"Besides the fact they wouldn't fit you, why not? Besides the fact that my whole wardrobe costs more then your shoes, of course."  
  
"That ain't enough reason?"  
  
"Fine. Insult my clothes, see if I make you coffee again." I told him huffily as I walked by him and into the bathroom, not before taking a pair of jeans with me.  
  
I took a quick shower, not wanting to be alone with my depressing thoughts and quickly threw on the pair of my oldest blue jeans. They always gave me a bit of comfort because they were so well worn. This time was no different. As I stepped out of the still steam filled shower I noticed the smell of bacon and eggs. I stood in the doorway watching Hawk, still in just a towel, cooking up a storm. He was so proficient that he reminded me of the Iron Chef. It shouldn't have surprised me considering that Hawk is that way about everything, but I was shocked to find him cutting up vegetables in my kitchen to put in an omelet. 


	7. Getting Ready

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 7/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Getting Ready  
  
Hawk and I ate breakfast in silence. I was preoccupied worrying about Susan, and I assume Hawk was content to let me, since he merely watched me seemingly cataloguing all of the emotions that flew across my face. I was afraid to leave my apartment in case Susan wasn't merely doped up on drugs and meant what she said last night. If that was the case I figured I might as well ask Hawk to shoot me right then, it would be a mite less painful. Suse has been this huge part of my life for so long that I couldn't even imagine my life without her.  
  
"Visiting hours start in half 'n 'our." Hawk said, breaking me from my depressing thoughts.  
  
"Hmm." I mumbled meaningfully staring at my overly large callused hands.  
  
"You 'bout finished with that?" He asked gesturing to my plate.  
  
"Yeah. It was good. Who knew you could side as a chef?" I asked flippantly, while I forced a smile at Hawk.  
  
"There be lots you don't know about me, Spen-ser." Hawk told me softly as he walked into the kitchen, towel wrapped snuggly around his waist. I stared after him thoughtfully, thinking of the last day's events.  
  
"So I'm coming to realize."  
  
After the dished were cleared and I threw on a Red Sox jersey, I gathered my keys while Hawk perused my closet, looking for something to wear. He finally came out wearing an outfit similar to mine, although I caught my breath when he walked across the room. Hawk was wearing a pull over cardigan that I received one Christmas from a client trying to dress me up a bit. Eventually she realized I wasn't going to leave Susan for her and gave up, but I still had that nifty sweater to show for it.  
  
It was long sleeved and midnight blue in color with a v-neck collar. With the sweater covering his chest like a second skin, Hawk picked out an old pair of blue jeans. Now Hawk and myself are similar in builds, but he is definitely leaner of leg, and his muscles are more defined. The effect was therefore startling. The jeans looked like they would cut off his circulation they were so tight. As he moved muscles rippled enticingly, and I had to look away before drool could form.  
  
While I have in fact acknowledged that Hawk was good-looking for a man and I occasionally noticed that fact, this time like always, I put it from my mind convinced that a person would have to be dead not to appreciate Hawk's form. Since I am not in fact pushing up daisies, I saw no need to concern myself with it. I finished my discreet gaping and tucked my keys in my pocket before heading toward the door with Hawk at my heels.  
  
He was so close that he almost ran me down when I stopped abruptly, all my courage abruptly leaving me. There we stood in silence as I looked almost unseeingly at the closed door, utterly convinced that if I simply did not leave my apartment things would be fine. I noticed the welcoming heat of Hawk's chest against my left side and without thinking moved back a step so that half of my back was plastered against him. He made no comment, simply waited until I got my breathing under control. As I stepped away I felt more like myself, although my stomach still had butterflies in it. I glanced over my shoulder to gage Hawk's reaction to my mini-breakdown, but he looked completely unfazed, as if nothing of importance just happened. Then again from his point of view maybe nothing had. 


	8. Hospital Blues

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 8/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Hospital Blues  
  
I entered the hospital a half an hours after visiting hours began, with Hawk at my side. I walked through the waiting room and towards the recovery ward. Upon entering the elevator I sighed deeply. I was never exactly comfortable in hospitals before, and this time was no different.  
  
It always seemed to me people came here to die more often than not, and with the added air of uncertainty, I wasn't exactly at my best. No one but Hawk could notice though, and he would never comment on it thankfully. The ring as the doors to the elevator opened to Susan's floor sounded like a death knell to me, both ominous and final.  
  
I walked slowly down the beige corridor until I got to Susan's room. The door was closed most of the way and I was hesitant to intrude upon her privacy. Finally I knocked and was admitted, leaving Hawk to stand guard at the door.  
  
Susan looked just as fragile as she had the night before, although she had regained a bit of color in her cheeks and her eyes were clear. She looked at me with an indistinguishable expression as I sat carefully on the side of her bed and took her hand in my own.  
  
"How are you feeling?" I asked softly, squeezing her fingers gently.  
  
"Well enough." She answered tonelessly, returning my squeeze before pulling her hand out of my grasp. Susan looked down at her blanketed legs for a long moment and when she raised her head her eyes were suspiciously wet. "I had hoped you wouldn't come here. I know that is selfish of me but I thought if I just didn't see you for a while I would have a change of heart."  
  
"Suze?" I asked questioningly.  
  
I would have continued speaking but Susan placed her fingers against my lips.  
  
"Please… Don't say anything. This is hard enough." She pleaded with me, and as always I was helpless to deny her. I nodded slightly in agreement and waited patiently as she gathered the tatters of her composure. "I had gotten a call from an old colleague of mine a few weeks ago. He is going to open up a practice own in Florida and asked if I would join him. The opportunity was lucrative and I would be able to work with children again, which I have missed the last few years. This would combine both of my loves and I was considering it seriously. I did not share this with you immediately because I didn't want you influencing my decision. I knew if you asked me to stay I would. That was right before those thugs attacked me. Now I don't blame you for what's happened but at the same time, I came to realize that I couldn't keep doing this. I can't keep waiting for something to happen to you, or for your job to flow into our lives once again. I need a month of physical therapy before I'm back to one hundred percent. I still love you Spencer, but I will be going to Florida."  
  
"But Suze.." I began, not knowing exactly what I was going to say, only aware of the aching hole where my heart used to be. She once again stopped me.  
  
"I plan to leave as soon as possible. I would appreciate it if you did not visit. I want a clean break. It is the only way I can do this."  
  
"I know that you were hurt, honey, but this isn't like you. You don't just run when things get tough. "  
  
"I'm not running away like you think I am. I'm running to something."  
  
"I lo-" I tried to tell her, but her miserable face stopped me, more so than her words.  
  
"Please." She pleaded softly, a tear rolling down her cheek unheeded. "Just leave."  
  
I stood up on shaky legs, still staring at her in shock, before wiping her tear away and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. I walked from the room without looking back, manfully ignoring the sobs coming from the bed. I walked impassively down the hall, only acknowledging Hawk with a short nod, before making my way out of the hospital. I don't remember walking to the car, or driving to the health club. The first thing I was aware of was pounding a bag mercilessly until my hands bled. I didn't remember however, more like I was watching someone else's actions but the blood dripping on the floor brought me back to myself in a hurry. 


	9. Blood, Tears and Beer

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 9/?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.  
  
Blood, Tears and Beer  
  
I stood in the gym watching as blood dripped from my knuckles and frankly thought I was loosing what was left of my mind.  
  
"Remind me neva' to piss you off, hnn?" Hawk commented quietly, although with an amused smirk on his face. I glared at him, but he just shrugged my ire off unrepentantly before dragging me into Henry's office.  
  
Without a word Hawk threw me a few butterfly bandages and a bottle of water, which I greedily drank to relieve my parched throat. I cleaned the blood off of my hands meticulously in the sink, refusing to look at Hawk for fear that he was feeling pity at my emotional display. So still staring into the sink I began to speak.  
  
"Suze's going to open a clinic in Florida for children. It seems a life with me isn't to her tastes any longer… It only took her fifteen years to realize it."  
  
I was bitter and not even attempting to hide that fact. Hawk was one of the few people who knew me well enough that none of my reactions surprised him. It was freeing really. If I decided that I wanted to smash every breakable item in Henry's office, Hawk would sit by and watch and if I was lucky his lips would twitch. There were certain times when it felt good that I couldn't shock Hawk even if I tried.  
  
"Maybe once she get the' she change her mind." He offered, passing me the bandages over my shoulder. "I never did take her for dumb, sho' enough."  
  
"What are you talking about? This will be good for her career. That's always been important to her, and maybe she got sick of being hurt because of what I do." I told him defensively, ignoring that all of ten seconds ago I was the one pissed at her. I'm just surprised that the idea didn't occur to her years ago."  
  
"She obviously love's ya if she's stuck with yowa ugly mug this long, bawse."  
  
"Doesn't mean a whole hell ova lot if she's just gonna pick up and move across country tho." I grumbled as I finished bandaging my knuckles. I turned around suddenly to look at Hawk and I thought I saw a vastly softened expression on his usually inscrutable face, but it was gone as quickly as I saw it. I assumed I was imagining things I wanted to see in my overly emotional state.  
  
"Come'n let's go get you drunk, babe. It'll do you good." Hawk suggested leading me out of the room with a gentle hand at my back. Now usually I would have glared at Hawk for that, thinking he was fooling with me, but this time I merely leaned on my friend, utterly exhausted already and it was only one p.m. in the afternoon.  
  
We were soon ensconced in a bar on west Boylston Street. I was knocking back tequila shots while Hawk was drinking a fuzzy navel with a little umbrella in it. No one commented due to Hawk's intimidating size, but he did get a few considering looks, as did I. For once, I wasn't worrying about keeping an eye on the room as I drank. I knew if things got hairy that Hawk would take care of it, and I just wanted to get blitzed as quickly as possible, hopefully pass out, and wake up with amnesia. Of course I was still immersed in my own drunken misery to notice, but had I been more aware of my surroundings I would have seen Hawk glare a few men into submission when it looked like they were walking my way.  
  
"Aren't you gonna drink anyshting?" I slurred, gesturing to the small tower of shot glasses on the table.  
  
"I think you're drinking enough for the both of us, babe." Hawk answered back with a disapproving nod of his head. I looked up through fuzzy vision, and was sure that he was looking at me tenderly. Had I been sober that would have been cause for much though, and although I knew it was important, I couldn't seem to keep my eyes focused as the room spun around me. "Let's get you home." 


	10. A Sharp Chopping Knife

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 10/?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

A Sharp Chopping Knife

The month between Susan's departure to Florida was the darkest time of my life. She got out of the hospital two days after our last conversation, and when I came home that Wednesday I noticed all of her things were gone. 

It was if she had never been there at all. Over ten odd years all gone in one afternoon, without my input or permission. Up until then, I had kept the hope that Susan would change her mind and stay. That was obviously not to be, it merely took a large beating about the head to make me realize it. 

I sat on the couch in my living room holding an old picture of us during happier times when we first met. That morning I saw Susan off to the airport without her knowledge. I'm pretty good with the covert stuff when I want to be after all. 

I watched as she boarded the plan without so much as looking back. I only moved from my stupor when my stomach began growling in complaint. So it was that Hawk found me in my kitchen an hour later, Patsy Cline blaring in the background, as I began chopping vegetables for a soup.  
The simple chopping became an exercise in anger management however, by the time Hawk arrived. I was slamming the knife down repeatedly while cursing up a storm. I must have made quite a sight, my hair and clothing all askew and completely enraged. Normally I'm an even-tempered kind of guy, but at that particular moment in time, I was as far from calm as it is possible to be. 

Hawk stepped up to the counter and grabbed four stalks of celery and a blade and began to expertly dice them, all without a word. I was thankful for both his presence and his restraint.

"Soup?" He asked after a while, now chopping slices of carrots.

"Soup." I answered in between bringing the knife down on the cutting board. "Can you believe that she didn't even say goodbye? She just up and leaves, after all the time we were together. Don't I even warrant the consideration of a conversation after all those years?"

"Uh huh."

"I mean she knew what kind of life I lived before we got together. Now all of a sudden she's surprised?"

"Usually she doesn't get up close with the danger." Hawk pointed out logically.

"I know that." I agreed, quieting somewhat when I remembered how badly she looked when we rescued her. "But the Gioletti's are all on their way to prison for a long time so there is no reason for her to worry."

"Perhaps."

"You know I would have quit if she asked me to." I told him brokenly as I put the water on to boil. "But she didn't ask."

"Being a private detective is not just your livelihood, but your passion as well. Susan knew that, she would never have asked you to give that up."

"But what if I wanted to?" I asked petulantly.

"Did you, then?" 


	11. Keeping It In Perspective

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 11?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

Keeping It In Perspective

"Not particularly." I answered sullenly, glaring at the stovetop. "But I would have. Could have found something else to do I suppose."

"Like what?" Hawk asked, playing devil's advocate. "A nine to five in an office, hmm?"

"It's possible."

"Not too likely, bawse."

"True."

"Hell, I don't know what I would do, but for her…" I left the thought half said, but Hawk picked up the rest.

"That the case, why don' you follow Suse down to Florida?"

"She didn't want me there." I told him while chucking all of the cut up vegetables in the soup pan. "And even if she did, Suse couldn't be bothered to discuss it with me."

We were both quiet for a while as I cooked the soup. Between the chopping, throwing the veggies in the pan and my furious stirring, by the time the soup was cooked my anger had fled to distant parts replaced by a vague sense of lethargy. The kitchen was filled with slurping as we ate. I glanced across the table at Hawk and had to smile. He had a linen napkin set daintily on his lap and was sipping the soup as if it was a fine delicacy at some country club. He caught me staring at him and caught my gaze. As usual his were deep and fathomless.

"You would have been miserable wit' in a week."

"Un huh."

"Stubborn bastard."

"Un huh."

Just as I was falling back into self-pity, Hawk grabbed the empty bowls and placed them in the sink. From there he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to my feet.

"Come on."

"What?"

"Get some clothes together, babe."

"What?" I asked redundantly.

"'M not about to let you wallow by yo' self. Besides I need you as back up."

That brought me up short. I couldn't deal with Hawk of all people fussing over me, but if it was for a case that was something different.

"What about Morris?" I asked slightly unsure. "I'm not at my best right now, man."

"I take my chances." He answered assuredly while walking into my bedroom. "You coming?"

With a shrug I followed him inside, just hoping I wasn't making a huge mistake. 


	12. The Suburbs

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 12?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

The Suburbs

I was cursing my decision to accompany Hawk on his mysterious mission three hours later when we pulled into a driveway of a one-family colonial house in the middle of eastern suburbia. All the houses we passed were either white or brick, although some were a combination of the two. The lawns were green and the houses beautiful if functional. I hated it immediately.

I had no idea what we were doing here, but I felt my mood darken further when I caught sight of a woman walking a brown Chihuahua across the street. I watched as she crossed at the corner and made her way toward us in something like terror, but manfully held my ground.

"Hello there." She greeted us, ignoring it as her dog began to hump my leg. "Are you new in town?"

"We just moved in today." Hawk answered casually, holding out his large hand in greeting. "I'm Hawk and this here's Spenser. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Well now aren't you two the cutest thing." She gushed while I had to check my gag reflex. She turned towards me and we shook hands as well. "If you need any help moving in or just finding your way around town you ring my bell. I live right over there in number 313. My names Bethany by the way."

"It was nice meeting you Bethany." I told her genially enough before glancing down at her dog. She followed my gaze and gasped in outrage, pulling her dog away from me.

"Oh I am so sorry Spenser dear. Bad Pookie, what have I told you about that! Bad doggie. I feel just awful." She told me breathlessly, pushing her breasts into my face. "You two must allow me to cook for you dinner to make up for my naughty dog."

Hawk smirked in my direction as I kept my face bland and friendly. 

"We just moved in and really want to get settled a bit before we entertain anyone at home." I answered her.

"You all 'l have to come over to my house. Jenny will just love you two."

Before I could say anything further another blond came over dressed in dark slacks and a purple polyester shirt.

"Can't you leave any man alone for two minutes?" She asked exasperatedly. "They just moved in for goodness sakes."

"I'm just being friendly." Bethany pouted.

"Can't you tell they're gay?" The blonde sneered before she continued on her way.

"No they are not." She disagreed, leering at us both blatantly. "They're too macho to be gay. Isn't that right?"

"Sorry to disappoint you but we are gay." I told her, purposely ignoring Hawk as he began coughing in the background.

"I just don't believe it." She told me looking decidedly stubborn. I took a step away from her, which so happened to bring me next to Hawk.

"We listen to Elton John too." I blurted out desperately and breathed a sigh of relief when the leer dropped from her face.

"Why are all the hot men gay or married?" She whined shrilly, before calming down slightly. "Well we'd still love to have you over for dinner some day this week."

"We'd love to come." Hawk answered before I could decline. Normally I would have glared at him, but I was careful to keep my face averted from his gaze. "Just give us a day or two to settle in."

I watched Bethany walk away in silently refusing to look at Hawk for as long as possible, my face slightly red. I turned back only after she turned the corner with her dog and was out of sight.

"'M a fine brotha an' all, but I neva' turned no one gay before." Hawk told me with a straight face. 

Now I don't know what possessed me to respond the way I did, but it was probably Hawk's smug face. He knew I was uncomfortable and left me floundering on purpose.

"Well there's a first time for everything, babe." I smirked before giving him a quick buss on the lips and entering the house before he could respond. 


	13. Avoidance and Embarrassment

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 13?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: PG-13 for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

Avoidance and Embarrassment

By the time I reached the kitchen I realized that I had left my carryall bag in the back seat of the Corvette. I couldn't bring myself however to go back outside and face Hawk. The only reason I wasn't drowning in despair right now was that although Hawk looked fairly shocked from the quick glance I got at his face before I made a run for it, he didn't seem disgusted.

I still had no idea what possessed me to kiss him, and I could only hope I didn't embarrass him. Hell, I was embarrassed enough for the both of us. I stiffened anxiously when I heard the front door open and footsteps coming down the hall in my direction. I quickly pulled a glass from the cupboard and began to fill it with water so I did not look like strange brooding in the kitchen staring at the wall.

"Hey babe, where you want I should put this?" He asked holding up my bag.

"I'll take it, thanks." I stuttered slightly. I am sure I was blushing as well, but Hawk made no comment.

"That was sure lucky out there."

"Uh…"

"Bethany is our mark and we've already got an invite into her house for dinner. 'S a good thing you were still keeping watch. We wouldn't want the neighbors to get suspicious if we weren't properly friendly-like."

"Exactly." I agreed with relief for the plausible explanation that Hawk just gave me as an out for my own actions. His eyes were twinkling in amusement however, so I don't think he was honestly fooled. "Appearances and all."

"Good. So you won't have a problem at dinner in a couple nights being my… boyfriend." Hawk lowered his voice slightly in a purr, wrapping his big arm around my shoulder and pulling me close. I figured I owed him one for the kiss earlier and if he wanted to return the favor by flirting who was I to stop him. 

"No offense man, but even if you liked guys I could never see you with a 'boyfriend.' You just don't seem the type."

"Hmmm." Hawk looked at me seriously for a moment before releasing me and picking up his own duffle bag. "Let's get settled in shall we?"

There were two bedrooms upstairs and I took the first one we came upon. The bedding and rug was a pale blue and the walls were painted off-white. It was definitely a masculine room, and I supposed that it would do for our purposes. I opened my bag and began unpacking my clothes and other essentials. I quickly threw my jeans and shirts into the drawers and pushed the carryall underneath the bed. I put my spare gun inside the bedside table and grabbed my toiletries. I was just putting my toothbrush, shaving kit and soap in place when Hawk walked in. I nodded in acknowledgement before going back to arranging the medicine cabinet to my satisfaction. Once I was done I turned around only to get caught between Hawk's body and the sink, in turn he was caught between the bath stall wall and me. It seems attempting to reach the bathtub to place his own necessities and did not want to disturb me. I sucked in a startled breath and attempted to move by him, but that only brought us into even closer contact. The bathroom seemed a whole lot smaller all of a sudden.

"We are not stuck." I growled out fiercely ignoring Hawk's chuckle from above me.

"Of course not." He agreed quickly. I pulled my chest valiantly away from him and moved my head from his shoulder in order to glare.

"I do not find this amusing."

He ignored me and began moving his left hand behind his back. This unfortunately pushed Hawk even tighter to me, and my back was now painfully digging into the sink.

"What in the hell are you doing?"

"I'm accosting you in the bathroom." He answered calmly, ignoring my incoherent sputtering for a moment. "I am trying to open the bath stall with my hand. Hopefully that will give us the room to maneuver."

"Well as long as you're not trying to grope me." I mumbled, hoping that I didn't sound as regretful as I think I did. From the bizarre look I received from Hawk I doubt it though. What did I do in a past life to deserve this? 


	14. A Fateful Fall

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 14?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: T for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

A Fateful Fall

With my overheated face leaning against Hawk's shoulder, I was taken by surprise when suddenly he fell backwards. I got caught up in a tangle of legs and landed heavily on top of him. The impact knocked the air from my lungs and caused me to crack my head on the tiled wall of the shower. As I lay sprawled on Hawk, he moved his left leg and thigh in an attempt to dislodge me.

"Damn. What have you been eating, bawse?" Hawk asked sarcastically from underneath me, causing his chest to rumble slightly.

"Give me a minute for my head to stop pounding, will ya?" I asked snippily running my fingers over the back of my head. 

When they came away bloodied I began to move slightly in an attempt to get up so that I could check how bad I was injured. I got to my knees, startling Hawk unintentionally, when my vision blurred and I lost my balance. Hawk grabbed my shoulders, stopping my downward momentum.

"Let's try that slowly now."

It is just my luck to get a concussion in the bathroom after all of the hazardous things I've been involved in. As I stood swaying in the shower stall I began grumbling internally. I was woozy when Hawk began to lead me from the bathroom and into a room three doors down. I saw Hawk's shotgun lying on the bed along with an opened set of luggage.

"Sit down, man. Let me check your head out."

I sat gingerly on Hawk's bed while he went to get a damp cloth to clean the blood away. Once he returned I had to stop from twitching when he stood over me, his thighs between my opened legs, his head bent over mine. As he patted the back of my head gently, I had to force myself to concentrate on the relentless pounding of my head so that I didn't have any inappropriate reactions to Hawk's proximity.

"It doesn't look too deep." Hawk told me as he moved closer and bent my head down. I tried to shuffle away when my body betrayed me, hoping Hawk wouldn't notice, unfortunately he had my head in an implacable grip and I couldn't change position. He looked down our bodies when he felt 'Little Spenser,' who was very happy to see him.

"What?" I asked innocently. "I'm a masochist. I get off on pain. Didn't you know?"

"That I did not."

"Well there's a lot about me you don't know about me." I answered cheekily, throwing his own words back in Hawk's face. I figured if I was casual enough there was a possibility that he would take my explanation at face value.

"So I am coming to realize."

I moved slightly uncomfortable, only to notice Hawk had much the same reaction as I. My breath quickened in excitement and I cleared my suddenly tight throat.

"Yeah, well what's your excuse?"

"Do I need one?" 


	15. A Change in the Wind

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 15?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: T for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

Terribly sorry for the long wait before updates. In between working full-time and classes my time to write has decreased greatly. I promise none of my stories shall be abandoned however. I love them too much for that. Hopefully I can make some time to update more soon.

A Change in the Wind

From my vantage point sitting on his bed, Hawk looked large and virile. His expression was heated and somewhat predatory as he stepped even closer to where I sat. Under normal circumstances I never would have even acknowledged my reactions to his physicality. Susan was my world and hawk, by necessity, was relegated to the role of friend. Not that he wasn't my friend in actuality, because he was. I would even go sofar as to say he's my best friend, but there was definitely an attraction there as well. 

At times it colored our interactions, always a small buzz in the background. While never a blazing passion, it became almost a comfort to me over the years. It was just an added dimension to our already close relationship. I find now that the attraction at least has been alluded to I am nervous of the effect it will have on our friendship.

"This perhaps isn't the time." I told him cautiously, attempting to ignore my growing anxiety when he actually took a step closer.

"And perhaps it is." Hawk told me somberly placing his palm over my heart, which was beating rapidly in my chest. "We have been dancing around this for years."

"What?" I asked in surprise. Quite frankly I had been comfortable with the way things had been before. "But we don't…We're not…"

Before I could get my muddled brain to work Hawk had trapped my body against him and was kissing me to within an inch of my life. He nipped at my lower lip then soothed it with his tongue. It seemed as if Hawk was merely waiting for any reaction ion my part, for when a shudder wracked my body and I moaned softly he grabbed my ass and pulled me hard against him. My head spun with the abrupt change in position and he used my startlement to plunder my mouth with his agile tongue. This was no chaste peck like the one I gave him. Heat pooled at my groin so that I was surprised when my very skin didn't light on fire from the friction. The only thing anchoring me was Hawk, who I had grabbed unknowingly as the kiss became fiercer. When he released me I am sure I looked quite ridiculous wide-eyed and blinking stupidly. I was completely pole-axed and looked it I am sure. So much for no blazing passion.

"Shit!" I cursed feelingly as Hawk smirked at me. He was standing casually against me looking far too smug while I in comparison was feeling dwarfed and vulnerable. "Back off!"

It came out far harsher then I meant, my voice edged subtlety with menace. I lashed out because I was feeling distinctly threatened. Unused to the concept I lashed out. Hawk of course recognized the danger signs and took two steps away from me, immediately dropping the smirk in deference to my sensibilities at the moment.

"Wasn't no fluke babe." He told me reading my mind easily. "You want me. Now if you need to square with that that's your business, but don't ignore it."

"Why? Why push it now?"

"You were with Susan. I had too much respect for her and what you two had to get in the middle of your relationship. Besides it wasn't pressing back then."

"I was with her for fifteen years. I can't do this now. I can't even think about it."

"There's time. The offer's open indefinitely, babe. I'm going to check for some more gauze pads in the bathroom." Hawk told me as he began walking away.

As soon as he left I collapsed bonelessly backwards, landing heavily on the bed. I ignored the sharp pain as my head hit the mattress.

"Shit!"

It was my new favorite word. While still in shock I knew that the problem wasn't that I wanted Hawk and know he knew it. I've wanted him for years, nor was it that he was a man, although that too was a large concern. No the reason I was sick with nerves, and dare I say fear, was that I knew I was halfway in love with the bastard already and had been for years. 


	16. Business Before A Breakdown

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 16?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: T for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

Business Before A Breakdown

As Hawk left the room it was all I could do not to flee. Now, I'm not a coward but, frankly I didn't think I had the emotional capacity to deal with anymore unexpected revelations. The thing with Susan left me completely wrung out so that I was barely forcing myself to get up in the morning. In fact if it wasn't for Hawk's silent support I would have been in one sorry state. Having acknowledged all of that, I come to find out Hawk is hot for my body. On top of that, he means to press the issue after all these years, just when I need him the most.

"What the hell are you playing at damn it?" I whispered agonizingly between the palms of my hand from where I lay sprawled on the bed. "I can't afford to lose you too."

"Not go'n anywhere, babe."

Had I not been so immersed in self-reflection I would have heard Hawk enter the room. He grabbed my shoulders and lifted the whole upper half of my body so that I was sitting against the headboard then he gracefully sat beside me. Our sides touched from arm to ankle as he threw an arm over my shoulder companionably. I stiffened in his embrace feeling closed-in until he loosened his hold some.

"You going to tell me what we're in fact doing here?" I asked softly, staring at the opposite wall, hoping he'd go along with the change in subject matter. He stared at my profile silently for a long minute, but eventually he did.

"Gino Fish called me a few days ago and asked me to help him 'clean house' as it were." Hawk began softly. For once he'd dropped the accent, foreshadowing the seriousness of the topic. "It seems that Park Sorcesse hired the Grey Man to put a bullet in Gino. Seems he didn't want to wait for Gino to retire."

I am sure Hawk felt me stiffen at the Grey Man's name but he knew enough not to call me on it. The Grey Man had nearly killed me a few years earlier, come the closest so far in fact, and I was still a bit sensitive about it. We'd worked with him once before, but I had hoped not to cross his path again. It would seem almost a temptation to fate. So much for that meager hope.

"So why are we here instead of with Gino?" I asked curiously. I didn't particularly care one way or another about Gino, but Hawk and him had a bit of history, so I figured Fish would want Hawk with him.

"Gino figured if we can persuade Park to call off the hit it would save us all a lot of hassle."

"Hmmm."

"The lovely lady that invited us to dinner is Park's sister. He goes to see her every Thursday night for a visit."

"So you think we'll ingratiate ourselves to the sister and be close by to persuade park to change his mind?" I questioned thoughtfully.

"It either that or we go to war on the Grey Man."

"Gino protected in the meantime?"

"He's got guards watching him."

"How many?"

"Ten I think." Hawk answered.

"Double them." I answered grimly. Without a word Hawk picked his phone from his shirt pocket and began dialing. 

I watched Hawk converse with Gino from the corner of my eye and had to smile. He looked completely unruffled from the events of today, when I felt so off-kilter I had no way of knowing which way was up. The more I thought about it the worse it seemed. My personal life was in shambles, I was on the brink of making either the best or worst decision of my life, and was on a possible collision course with one of the most dangerous men I've ever come across.

On the up side I was no longer moping in my apartment. I hadn't knocked myself or anyone else bloody in a whole week. I hadn't once contemplated eating my gun since I got here. I hadn't thought about Susan in over an hour, and Hawk was with me at the beginning of a case. I figured somewhere along the way the scales were about even, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 


	17. Park's Place

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 17?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: T for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

Park's Place

The next two days passed quickly with both Hawk and I doing reconnaissance of the neighborhood. As we got settled into the house quite a few neighbors stopped by to welcome us to the area, making sure that we knew they had no problems with our 'alternate lifestyle.' Considering the fact that I was having trouble with my lifestyle it annoyed me that everyone else seemed to take it for granted. Our kitchen was nearly overrun with bunt cake and loaves of bread as housewarming gifts.

Although I've known Hawk for years, it is quite an unexpected thing to wake up to him standing still-damp from a shower in just a towel in the kitchen making breakfast. There was a certain comfort in it even tough I was still vastly uncomfortable with the sexual overtures of recent days. The day of the dinner progressed as days are wont to do in utter domesticity with the occasional weapons check interspersed in between.

Hawk was dressed conservatively for him in a pair of plain brown slacks with a navy blue Henley. I ,on the other hand, was dressed up a bit from my usual jeans and t-shirt ensemble. I looked like the quintessential upper-middle class man in dress pants and a sweater. The sweater was itchy, but bulky enough to hide my firearm in it's bulky fords. Although I knew Hawk was carrying concealed as well, as I looked him over I couldn't see the tell-tale lines of a weapon. Frankly, as I thought about it I didn't even want to contemplate where his gun was. Which sounded a lot less dirty in my subconscious mind.

"Are you alright with this babe?" Hawk asked as we were grabbing our keys and the bottle of wine from the dining room table.

"With what exactly?" I asked curiously.

"You've been avoiding me these last two days. You do realize we're gon' hav'ta get close like for the ladies and Park if we want to get the man alone and relaxed."

"Of course." I assured him, and it was true. As a part of the job I would be able to perpetuate any false misconception without my concerns coming into play. It was only after we closed and locked the door behind us and i had forcibly slowed my anxious breathing that the rest of Hawk's comment registered in my brain. "I wasn't avoiding you."

"Sho bawse." Hawk agreed with a smirk as he pulled me to him with a strong arm around my waist, cradling me to his side securely. "Let's do this."

I was still grumbling under my breath about domineering men when the door opened. I surprised an honest laugh out of Hawk, so when Bethany opened the door it was to the enchanting sight of Hawk with a genuine smile on his face and his eyes still shinning with mirth.

"Boys!" Bethany exclaimed in welcome, pulling us inside with a surprisingly strong grip. "Park the new neighbors are here. Come say hello."

So saying a tall man that looked much like his sister came striding into the room. He had an arrogance about him that often came with money, and I let out a sigh of relief that we had dressed as we did, for he was dressed in much the same way.

"Park this is Spenser and Hawk. They're the partners that moved in a few doors down that i mentioned."

"A pleasure gentlemen." Park greeted us, reminding me of a politician, all shine and no substance.

"The pleasure is ours." Hawk answered in a cultured voice I have rarely heard him use. "Whatever is for dinner certainly smells delicious."

"Oh you." Bethany simpered, slapping Hawk's shoulder playfully. "Let's hope it tastes as good as it smells then. Why don't you men relax in the sitting room and I'll get dinner ready and set."

"Can I help with anything Bethany, dear?" I myself simpered shallowly.

"Thank you so much, but you go with your man and get to know Park."

"If you're sure."

She gave a quick nod in agreement and so i followed my 'man' and her brother into the other room. This was working even better then we had guessed. Then again this was only the opening move in what promised to be a dangerous undertaking if we couldn't 'convince' Park of the error in his ways.


	18. Back to Boston

Whirlwind: A Hawk and Spenser Romance 18/?

Disclaimer: I do not own Spenser, Hawk, Susan or any of the other characters created by Robert B. Parker.  
Rating: T for now. May go up in later chapters for violence and a bit of sexual content.  
Warning: This fic contains slash, meaning a physical relationship between two male characters, namely Hawk and Spenser. (Hence the title.) If this squicks you please turn back now before you get upset. Will contain violence and a bit of Het in the first few chapters as well.

Back to Boston

"Well that was a waste of a perfectly good evening" I commented as we left Park's house a few hours later.

"The raspberry turnover was delicious , sho 'nuff." Hawk responded as he patted his flat stomach thoughtfully.

"Hmm."

"If Park was the one who hired Rugar he would have told us."

"True" I agreed expressionlessly. Hell if I was confronted with Hawk and a loaded gun to my head I would give up my own momma. Very intimidating my man Hawk is. "So if he didn't hire Rugar, then who put the hit on Gino?"

"That be the question, bawse."

Yup, that be the question, now if only we had the answer as well. Since this was Hawk's gig I left it alone. I'm only on this job as muscle after all.

"So, back to Boston?" I asked/suggested, since I could never keep my mouth shut and he knew it.

"Un huh."

"We back to letting Rugar take a run at Gino?"

"Un huh."

"Last time I caught him unexpected-like." I commented softly. I was reminding him, not that I didn't think I could take him, but it would be a hell of a close thing either way.

"Un huh." Hawk agreed. We stayed quiet as we walked home. It was only after our front door closed behind us that he spoke again. "But there's both of us this time, babe."

"And the twenty other guys, but they only count as two." I answered half sarcastically, half not. I forced down the foreboding even thinking about the Gray Man caused and gave Hawk what I am sure was a sickly grin. "No problem. We can take him."

Leaving the conversation on a high note, I was moving toward the stairs to get some sleep, when Hawk grabbed my arm as I passed him. I turned toward the big man to see him looking at me pensively. He was staring right into my eyes, trying to see only god knew what. I stayed still, hoping that by not reacting the comfort level would once again level off.

"You need to sit 'tis 'n out, I unnerstand."

Before I could decide where I was going to punch the bastard he pulled me even closer, already anticipating my actions.

"You not at your best, Spen-ser."

Although I was insulted that he called my state of mind on the job into question I gave the comment due thought, and acknowledged to myself that I had been distracted. Both by Susan as well as Hawk. Well that stopped right now. The Gray Man was one of the most dangerous men I had ever met, and I wasn't about to let Hawk face him alone because I couldn't get my head on straight.

"I will be."

That was all I said but something in my expression reassured Hawk because he just nodded and released me. I turned away heading for the stairs, only to stop short still facing away from him.

"Until this is over we table everything but business." I told him in an as serious tone as he'd ever heard me use. "I'm not going to lose you because my mind was elsewhere."

I didn't need to go into any further details. I heard a grunt of agreement before I continued.

"But we will be having a serious discussion after this whole thing is settled."

Without waiting for an answer I made my way up the stairs and to bed. The next few days promised to be perilous and I would need all the sleep I could get.


End file.
